Thoughts from Thursday's Child

Thursday's Child has far to go

What does my beating heart tell me?

on October 4, 2014

A heart beat ….. we have them, the rhythmic throbbing in your chest that confirms life.

We count on it (excuse the pun) to keep us breathing, thinking, loving, living, being. Slowing down, or even stopping is not what hearts should do, is it?

February 2009 – I can’t say I was feeling unwell, the day I went for a blood pressure check. I hadn’t been to the doctor’s for ages, the children were back at school after the Christmas holidays and going for a check up seemed like the right thing to do.

My blood pressure registered at 220/180.

I was hospitalised for a week undergoing multiple blood tests while being poked, prodded, x-rayed and scanned. With such a high blood pressure there was potential of damage to my eyes, kidney, heart and arteries.

I was in danger of having a stroke – at 42 years of age.

The diagnosis when I was released from hospital was “I needed to lose weight, take the prescribed medication and don’t stress”. No other medical reasons were found.

I’ve been overweight most of my life so telling me to lose weight to solve my problems caused me further stress.

I started to listen to my heart beat as I fell asleep each night and, I confess, I checked to see it was still beating before I opened my eyes each morning.

Around this time a woman I admired was diagnosed with breast cancer. She fought every step of the way, showing an inner light and joy others aspired to have. She knew she was dying but she never stopped living. I wanted to live my life as fully as she did, but I didn’t lose the weight.

I struggled with feelings of hopelessness, self loathing and depression but even in the storm , God continued to show me HIS HEART for me. I recorded these verses in my journal in late February 2009 –

Psalm 27 v 3 … my heart will not fear … v 8 … my heart says … seek His face … v 14 … be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord (NIV)

And after those verses I wrote – ” Lord, you are my strength…of my life and my heart. It’s good to know there is nothing I need to be afraid of and I hold onto verse 13 I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!!!

My life has changed in the last 5 years – there have been other health scares, trips to hospital and more rides on the medical merry-go-round. There has been other friends who have battled terminal illnesses – some have survived, some have not but all have been inspirational in the way they lived their lives. There has been a heart’s desire to find meaning and purpose in my life, a drive to make the most of my time with other people, to be purposeful in my relationship with my husband, my children, my family, my friends; in my daily living; in my career.

I will listen to my heart.

One response to “What does my beating heart tell me?

  1. Chris Holmes says:

    I love this. And you are so right. The heart should always be what guides a dreamer!

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